It's 1:38am. I had been asleep for two hours when my eyes popped open. I am totally awake and my mind is going 100 miles an hour, while my legs feel like they could go run a marathon. This happens a lot when I'm pregnant. And by a lot I mean every night since I was 6 weeks along. Sometimes I go back to sleep within a matter of minutes, and sometimes -- like tonight -- I don't. I will admit that I don't like being pregnant. Besides feeling the baby move, I don't miss it when I'm not. Sleep is just one of my issues. I don't feel well, I don't like the way I look, and my emotions are completely out of wack. But as I laid there, almost enveloped in self-pity, a new list came to my mind.
Since I had Chase, the following things have happened:
-I've had 2 cousins whose babies have died.
-I've had multiple friends and cousins "come out" with the fact that they have been struggling with infertility, mostly silently, for years.
- I've had other friends suffer multiple miscarriages in a row
- My friends 5 month old niece died of SIDS
Luckily, some of these cases have resolved themselves, through the miracles of invitro, adoption, ect. But some have not.
Ahhhhhh, perspective. I can live through my minor complaints. Because I'm pregnant. I already have two healthy kids. And that, in and of itself, is a miracle.
9 comments:
Yes you are beautiful just maybe a bit hormonal at the moment:). No doubt you are lucky to even be pregnant and yes you are blessed with two already cute/healthy kiddos...but, sometimes we all earn a moment of frustration in life.
And it's OKAY.
We all have our little bag of issues but, the real kicker is that even if we got to choose we'd all pick our own again. What madness!!!
Don't be too hard on yourself, you're wonderful. All the best. Love, cousin with hardship #1 & #2.
Such a beautifully written post! Pregancy isn't so glorified unless you think about it from this perspective, it truly is a miracle, thanks for reminding me. Hope you were able to get a little bit of sleep! Love you!
HEID
Thanks for the perspective!
Paradigm shift-check! I am totally there with you--despise being pregnant, but then again, looking at my beautiful babes, so grateful for it! So grateful they are here in our lives!
I have to remind myself of this a lot these days. Pregnancy is hard, and I think it is ok to feel picked on sometimes but yes we all have to rememeber it is so worth it and the end will come. Hang in there!
thanks for this. nothing makes infertility (or losing a baby niece) harder than watching people take their children for granted. love you, my friend.
It's easy to forget how lucky we are - I agree there for sure. Congrats on your third baby being a girl! I'm so excited for you. I tell Ryan that I am preparing for another boy, but will just be pleasantly surprised if it happens to be a girl!
Hello there-
For the many friends you mentioned that are struggling with fertility, there is a beautiful woman, Julia Indichova, who has written two books called The Fertile Female and Inconceivable. In addition to her books, she holds workshops in her home for couples struggling to conceive, and has a wonderful website: www.fertileheart.com
Her work has changed lives in powerful ways, including mine.
That was inspiring. I think you are super even if you don't like to be pregnant and I can totally relate to everything you just said. I do feel very grateful.
Post a Comment