Nick

In the last few days...

I have cried 3 times

And prayed a lot more than that.

I've been swung at

and kicked at

and yelled at

and whined to

I've comforted meltdowns

and had some of my own

I've cleaned up thrown food

and toys

and dishes

and thrown food

and toys

and dishes

I've taken temperatures

and given medicine

and reassured and held and kissed

I've threatend and yelled more than usual

And I think he might have spent more time

in timeout yesterday than out of it

I've contemplated child psychologists

and therapists

and some[more]good self-help parenting books

I've felt like a failure

and I've questioned myself

and what I've done to this kid

to make him act the way he does sometimes

And I've wondered why in the world I thought it was okay to live

so far away

from my mother and Katie

And while the moments seem few

I've also read books

and cuddled

and played with toys

and taught valuable life lessons (right?)

and instilled responsibility

that actions have consequences

I've smiled

and laughed

and felt proud

that he is mine

And I have hope

that this is just a phase

that this too shall pass

And it will all be worth it.